Y’all. It’s been a SEASON! I am not complaining, not even a little bit. But I definitely want to shed some light on a few things- a lot of misconceptions if you will.
This year has been my busiest so far, and next year is shaping up to be twice a busy. WHICH IS AMAZING! I can’t even begin to express my love and gratitude to all my couples, families, and friends who trust me enough to be there in life for their biggest moments!!!! <3 But. It does not come without a ton of stress, pressure, time away from my babies, my husband, and so on.
I hit a moment a few weeks ago where I sobbed into my pillow and kept thinking “I’m giving everyone all of me and no one is getting all of me”. As goofy as that sounds, it was the truth. I felt like I had so many people to pour into and no one was getting the best version of me. I was running behind on promise dates for photos, I was missing bedtimes with my babies (my favorite part of the day is tucking them into bed each night), my husband and I hadn’t really SEEN each other, better yet had an actual conversation that didn’t involve diapers, schedules, or “did you eat yet”? It was chaos. BUT GOOD CHAOS. It’s such a slippery slope for me, and I am even struggling at this exact moment trying to explain it all.
I am so so so SO lucky. and happy. and passionate about what I do. I am finally at a point in my art where I FEEL confident, I SEE the value in myself. And to me, it’s uncharted waters. I have never had anything in my life that I was GOOD at. Anything that I strongly desired to work harder at. And my photography and my clients are just that. SO being in this new found bad-ass photographer-mama-wife-daughter-friend role, I found myself breaking rules. Rules that I set awhile back to maintain balance in my life. I was replying to emails outside of work hours. I was taking on sessions farther away for the same session fee as one right down the road, I was glued to my laptop trying to get images to clients as fast as I could when in actuality, I over promised. I set limits and boundaries and I broke them.
THANKFULLY- it was extremely short lived. Thanks to my incredible husband, a few days of buckling down, and some good ol’ soul searching- I finally got my head above water.
Why is she telling the whole world this? I’m sure some people are wondering. Well my friends, I guess I am kinda tired of the “cupcakes and rainbows” persona that is life on social media. I’m tired, burnt out, and NEED A BREAK!
I have to admit- leaving my husband and babies back home meant major mom/wife guilt. especially since I just got done rambling about how much I hate being away from them. But the truth is, I have’t taken some actual ME time since before I got pregnant with Asher. And while I love my kids with every ounce of my soul, motherhood is utterly exhausting. Being needed by someone every second is taxing. And knowing those babies of mine are safely at home with their daddy is all I could ever ask for. I’m sure bed times will be broken, dance parties to Trolls will happen, and lots of laughs and daddy fun. <3
See you later Ohio! SoCal….hereeeee I come!!